I am in a vortex of obligation.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
