So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
