just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
