I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
