wrigley field is MILF paradise
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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