There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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