I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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