her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
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