i jhust puked up my retainher.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
