Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
We don't watch enough power rangers
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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