I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
