genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
