he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The feeling are messing with the penis
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize