I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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