Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
