Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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