I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Green mimosas i think yes
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize