sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
