So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
