Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize