Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
