ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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