my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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