We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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