Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
