rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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