She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
