Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
