It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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