I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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