Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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