Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
40s are totally the cure
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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