Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
