ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Randomize