nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I love you. Go after that dick
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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