dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
