that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
two words...techno handjob
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
These tits shall not be calmed
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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