just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
