physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
