Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
