the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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