You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
