using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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