If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
