im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
