I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Randomize
