matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
