You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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