Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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