the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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