puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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