The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
