dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
