I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
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