Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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