Is it normal to miss your booty call?
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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