Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
