im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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