Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i love accidental penises.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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