We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
