dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
