dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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