I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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