is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
