So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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