I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
