Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
