You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
