FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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