why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
